Man Shape Guest Blogger - Sir Peter Fleming

Hola my adopted friends from interweb land, I am feeling muchus privileged to be leaving my mini mark.  

Tonight's fajita fashion discussion, soon turned into a full on hair pulling fashion incident, over the remnants of the meal, as the fashion decade of choice from this writer is clearly the 80's (a view not shared by your usual writer).  Despite a strongly held belief that flat caps will never be de rigueur, I have been allowed to share my more acceptable fashion choices with you all courtesy of the wondrous MrPorter.com.

Here is my current wish list!

Richard James Blazer

Junya Watanabe

Turnbull & Asser


Oliver Peoples

Jean Shop

Alexander McQueen


Summertime & the livin' is easy

Well by Gawd, it's only bloody sunny down here on the East Coast!  Even some warmth has been thrown in for good measure!  I actually existed out in the open without a coat for the first time in, well, I can't even remember when!  Today mes amis, feels like a good day!

Sunshine always makes me feel happy & happiness is exactly what I need right now, as I have decided to attempt to try to maybe eat healthier & give up my high calorie, high sugar diet.  My coke addiction has got way out of hand & my chocolate/general sugar consumption is insane in the membrane.  Essentially leaving me with excess tubby bits & frequent headaches!

I say, enough is enough!  So today for my lunch, I actually survived on an orange & some nuts.  I don't even like nuts!  Surprisingly I didn't go all faint & insane & run for the nearest supermarche, begging someone to feed me chocolate & drown me in litres of Coke.

However, I am now home from work & the spare bottle of Coke in the fridge gave me this knowing look, like 'you want me, I know you want me.'  But I relented.  I said "no Coke, you will not tempt me with your sugary acidic delights!  Not this time."

I just hope for my sake that the sun stays ever present & continues to encourage me to stay uber healthy.  I haven't actually weighed myself since January (don't actually own scales, what's up with that!?), but I can sense that I have put on at least 7lbs.  Therefore I aim to lose at least that, if not more.  I can also sense my impending failure from here.  Damn!

Do you think streaky bacon is friends with Coke?  Hmmm...I may go find out, I did hear he hangs out with ketchup, just something I heard.


Ah to be a man...

With the sudden uprising of male models walking the catwalks sporting the latest womenswear collections, I am bucking the trend & stating that I would love to be a man right now!

The most rediculously good-looking would-be
woman I've ever seen!  (Andrej Pejic)

mrporter.com (the new male version of net-a-porter.com) has finally launched & by Gawd, the website is sooo hot to trot, I am truly jel!

Every section of the site is almost done in a blog-like fashion, making it look chic & enthralling.  I get glued to it for hours,  especially the Stylepedia, Men Of The Moment (essentially a guide to hawt men!) & the Style Council (more hawt men!).

Ah man, if only I had a hawt man shape of my own, preferably one who subscribed to The Sartorialist, shopped at mrporter.com, wore a Rolex Submariner, read Wonderland & whispered sweet nothings in French.  [sigh]  Well, a girl can dream...


Pig Post

Pig looking ever so debonair in his silk scarf.  Oooh lala.



My fellow blogger Jillian, over at the wonderful cornflake dreams, has requested that I complete the following Q&A.  So, y'know, I have!

What is your idea of perfect happiness?
BBQ in my (soon to be) beautiful garden, with Pimms, friends & the Pig.  Oh & a bit of sunshine is always a requirement for happiness. 

What is your greatest fear?
Never accomplishing anything!

Which figures do you most identify with?
Individuals who go against the grain, regardless of the general consensus that they're mad or foolish.  Believing in yourself is the important thing.

What is the trait you most deplore in yourself?
My extreme laziness!

What is the trait you most deplore in others?
People's inability to be themselves.  Those that consistently try to be something they'e not just to fit in or gain acceptance or approval only serve to drive me up the wall!

What do you most value in your friends?
Loyalty, honesty & respect.

What words or phrases do you most overuse?
I'll risk it for a biscuit.  True Story.  Not gonna lie. 

What is your favorite journey?
When I travelled to Hasselt in Belgium for Pukkelpop (music festival).  It involved an early start, a car journey, few hours on the Eurostar, a further four hour train journey & a short walk, with my weekend bag, sleeping bag & tent.  Worth every hassle incurred.

What do you consider the most overrated virtue?
They say patience is a virtue.  But perhaps sometimes it's good to be impatient.  Why wait!

What is your favorite occupation?
Writers.  Mainly because I want to be one!

What do you dislike most about your appearance?
My ever growing thighs!

What is your greatest regret?
Sometimes I feel I have too many to mention.  However, should I actually have the ability to change things, I don't suppose I would, as it might greatly change the present in ways in which I may then regret!

What or who is the greatest love of your life?
Mr Pig.  I couldn't love someone more!

Where and when were you happiest?
Fishing down at the river with my friends, in my jelly shoes when I was 10.  Simplicity at its best!

If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?
My inane laziness.  If I weren't so lazy I'd have accomplished SO much more in my life!  [sigh] 

What do you consider to be your greatest achievement?
Leaving home.  I was starting to consider the possibility it might never happen, but I finally did it.  Even though I did move back home seven months later.  We'll just gloss over that part shall we.

What is your most treasured possession?
My MacBook Pro & my iPhone.  Both hold my entire life & I would be lost without either.  I'd also say my photographs, as I lost all my childhood photos a few years ago, which was devastating. 

What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?
When life seems impossible & you feel unable to go on. 

Where would you like to live?
In a bijou apartment in the heart of Paris.  [sigh]  Well, I can dream...

What is your most marked characteristic?
Inability to stop talking & become exceptionally high-pitched when excited.

What is your greatest extravagance?
I'd have to say food.  I have an inability to stop spending money on copious amounts of food! 

What are the qualities you most like in a man?
An original sense of style, dark humour, the ability to put up with me & my lunacy & a kind heart.  Also gotta love Mr Pig, but that's just standard. 

Who are your favorite writers?
Eva Rice & Jill Mansell. 

How would you like to die?
In the least painful way possible! 

Who is your favorite hero of fiction?
I'm unconvinced I have one! 

Who are your heroes in real life?
My dad, even though he's not with us anymore, he fought with cancer for ten years, just to be in our lives, providing us with love & protection.  I always thought he was a real-life superhero. 

What is your motto?
Everything happens for a reason, even the shitty things, so have faith. 

Literary genius? I doubt it.

I have decided to once again attempt to write a novel.  Yes, that's right, I am going to attempt to put pen to paper & try to come up with something readable & possibly...enjoyable?  This will be my zillianth attempt, as I always get to, oh, about chapter three & subsequently give up!

But, I am relatively determined & I thought, if I make my attempt public, then it might spur me on during moments of laziness, when I'm about to throw in the towel & press the delete button on the whole damn thing!  Y'know, save myself the red face when asked how I'm getting on & I state "Oh, that, yeah I gave up...again."

In my search to find any old work I had previously started & left unfinished, I came across this poem I wrote the day my dad died.  I had completely forgotten about it & didn't realise I still had it even.  I thought I'd share it, just 'cause I quite like it, in some peculiarly morbid fashion.

I yearn for you, from the depth of my soul
I feel you leave & I know I need to let go
I cannot contemplate life now you're gone
The feeling of emptiness sweeping along
The distance between us will be incomplete
I feel lost & alone, you're forever asleep
How can this be, that you've finally left
Promised me you'd be there & now I'm bereft
I feel an empty hole looming towards me
Ready to swallow me whole & consume me
My emotions are a havoc of confusion & care
For the love of someone, who's no longer there
How can you love someone who no longer exists
The feelings live on, but the body is gone
The soul surrenders the body, but leaves a remain
Memories are never enough to contain
All the emotion that gets left behind
When the one that you love, cannot continue the fight


Hot to Trot of the week

This week I'm highlighting the longterm love of my life, Jude Law.  [sigh]  Now admittedly he is a massive philanderer & can seemingly only play himself in every movie he's in, but, I mean, how can you deny him!  Those eyes, that charm, ooh er, I'm getting all flustered...To improve matters, he has recently separated from that home-wrecking hoebag Sienna, so he's back on the market.  Wooop! "Taxi!"

Shrub love

The interior of our house has nearly entirely been renovated now & there is little more to complete, bar the odd splash of paint & what not.  So now I have been turning my attention to the garden.  I have to admit that I am getting maybe a little too excited about it all.

At the moment the garden consists of, well, mainly mud really.  So it's an entirely blank canvas.  It's quite a large size garden, but an odd L shape.  I'm thinking a mixture of colours & materials & vintage finds darted about the place.  Oooh, I'm getting excited just thinking about it!  (Sad, what, me!? Pffft.)

In the meantime, I've found some pics, whilst mooching around the internetwork, to inspire me.

Bring on Spring damn it!

Pig Post

A sickly Mr Piggles being comforted by Kiki.


Suz leant me The Young Victoria on DVD & I finally got round to watching it.  Oh my, I was shedding tears all over the place (am I crying a lot lately or what!?)!  Sooo incredibly romantic.  [sigh]  I think for once I'm actually quite pleased to be single, I feel more inclined to hold out for something a little more special & essentially longterm.  This is most definitely a must-watch!
Our very dear friend Dina gave us a belated Christmas present yesterday, which I am now relishing!

It's got lots of scrumptious recipes!  [drool]  The Chocolate Brazil Soft-Baked Biscuits look bite-size delicious, but interestingly, they have savoury dishes too.  I really want to try out Spicy Organic Pork & Herb Chilean Chocolate Sausages!  They look ama-ziiing!

So Dina, when you & Mark come to the coast for a visit, I will cook you up a treat, if not just to make up for not sharing my last cupcake with you.


There's a song for every moment

I'm starting to think I just create pity parties for one these days.  As down as I end up feeling, the people around me somehow manage to make me feel better & therefore almost silly that I felt that way in the first place!

It can be hard once you've allowed yourself to fall into a great pit of despair, to heave yourself back up & out into the light.  But the main thing to remember is that, however lonely you feel, you are never alone.  Sometimes you just need to admit your sadness in order to overcome it.

Despite my distance, my friends have shown simply how wonderful they are & how grateful I should be to have them around.

Mes amis, merci beaucoup!

In my quest to find peace of mind last night, a song popped into my brain & I felt inspired to listen to it at once.  I have had this song for many years, as it was played in our house throughout my childhood.  I googled (can you honestly live without google???) the lyrics & y'know, in some cliche moment, it did actually inspire me.

I popped along to youtube & watched a video of the song being performed live.  There were over a thousand comments on it & some as recent as a few days ago.  I read a few & was in actual real life tears at one point!

Some of you may already know this song & for those of you that don't, I am quite literally telling you, if not ordering you, to go onto iTunes (or wherever) & download this track immediately: Something Inside So Strong by Labi Siffre.

If not just to convince you further, Labi, who is english & sixty five years of age now, has written a plethora of songs, some of which have been sampled by Kanye West (Labi's My Song on Kanye's I Wonder), Eminem (Labi's I Got The on Eminem's My Name Is) & he also wrote It Must Be Love, which Madness later used.

Go forth & bring this man's talent back to the forefront of societies brain!!!  I implore you!


Selective deafness?

They say misery loves company, but they really must never have been miserable.  There is nothing I crave more right now than solitude.  Complete solitude.  It's not that I don't love my friends, or miss them, but my ability to verbally communicate has entirely eroded, leaving me in this condemned state of mind.

Mr Piggles has been suffering with some random allergy for the past year or so & subsequently, he wont stop scratching his ears (predominantly in the evenings) & occasionally his face, sometimes resulting in the drawing of blood.

We have been to the vets several times with the issue, but no one can determine the specific cause & therefore not much has been achieved.  However, I noticed what appeared to be a growth in one of his ears a little while back, which seemed to entirely cover up his actual ear hole!  As the vet didn't seem to take much concern we left it.

Unfortunately, this has now happened to his other ear & so we drove the hour back to Sevenoaks to see our old vet (favouritism anyone).  This time we saw the surgeon, who basically said Mr Piggles is partially deaf now & if his ears are left untreated, he will essentially go completely deaf!!!

He said the only thing to do is to operate to remove the dead tissue blocking his ear & (worse) create a new small "discreet" earhole on the side of his head!  I ask you!  Have you seen his ears!  This will also not resolve the overall allergy, simply the current ear infection.

Such a nightmare.  The thought of pig going under the knife does not sit well with me, but what choice do I have?

My re-appearance in the Oaks has only made my being by the coast ten million times worse, as I realise how much I am missing my old life.  Being there made me not want to come back.  [small tears]  In light of all the drama I am now relenting to comfort eating.  I have one cupcake left, after I scoffed all the rest & am currently sipping my second coke of the day.

Obesity better bring it!  Aren't fat people meant to be cheery, maybe that's where I went wrong.  Anyway, just the word diet makes me eat twice as much.

Gawd, isn't life a bitch!


Jessie J won the Critics' Choice Award at the Brits 2011.  I really like her!  She always seems very down-to-earth & normal in interviews & shizzle.  She's got a really original if not off-key dress sense & she makes catchy lil numbers.  Definitely one to watch.


Happy Valentine's Day mes amis!

Ah & so the day of celebrating all that is lovely in the world is once again upon us.  Here & ready to rub its atrocities in my single little face again.  [sigh]  I've had to suffer the indignity of soppy cards, chocolates & flowers in every supermarche & magasin I've visited over the past few weeks, & I for one am glad that it has come & will shortly be going!

However, despite the lack of man shaped love in my life, today has not been a total day of despair.  My dear friend Suz came over & we baked the most scrumptious raspberry & white chocolate cupcakes...ever! Although I may have recently taken the decision to attempt to lose weight & shrink down my ever expanding thighs, I have made an exception on this most cruel of days & eaten two of them already.

Pffft calories schmaleries!


The potential is ripe for the picking

I've always believed I was born to do great things.  That one day, I would change the world.  However, twenty three years in, it appears as though my potential has gone to waste.  Perhaps I locked it away somewhere deep down inside, like a hostage in my own body.

Maybe I'm waiting on the ransom.  Or maybe I just forgot exactly where I hid this potential.  Either way, I need to pull my finger out & do something with it.  If I can't find it, well damn it, I'll simply have to re-create it!

Come hell or high water, I shall achieve something in my life!  Otherwise, what's the point of it all?

From the day we are born we begin a journey towards death.  We are, as I type, dying.  And yet, we seem so fearful of the whole procedure, like somehow, perhaps, we can stop it, if we just try hard enough.  But, we cannot.  We were not made immortal, this is simply the structure of life & we must choose to accept it.  In fact, we should embrace it.

For perhaps if we really did embrace the fact that life is fleeting, that everyday could very well be our last, then perhaps we would live up to our potential.  We would strive to actually do more.  Be more.  See more!

Three hundred & sixty five days go by so fast & before you know it, the years have flown by & suddenly you're twenty, then thirty & then by God, you've reached forty & you still never got round to doing all of those things you set out to accomplish.  Those things that were important to you, to your underlying happiness, but that you put aside to do other things.  The day to day things, which suddenly seemed more important & more importantly, more achievable, at the time.

We're too busy looking at the small parts all the time, that sometimes we completely forget to take a look at the overall picture.

Each day will flow by as naturally as the one before.  The difference a day makes is you.  You can change everything, or nothing in your life, simply by making a choice.  What you will eat for breakfast.  What you will watch on TV.  Whether or not you will even bother to venture outside today.

All the little things that add up to yet another day, a day that is either wasted or used to its maximum potential.

I say rise a little earlier, see a bit more light.  Go for a walk, it's surprisingly enjoyable.  Eat a little better, maybe you'll live a day longer.  But most importantly, cancer, aids, other life-altering ailments or not, remember, you are dying mes amis!  Live now, for tomorrow (or the next day, week, year) you may be gone & what will you have to show for it?

Live, love & most importantly, enjoy it for fuck's sake!


Pig Post

Mr Piggles taking in the sunshine on his favourite stair.


I'll meet you at the gate

After the rejection of the vintage store, mère & I popped into The Gate a few doors down, which is also full of vintage & restored furniture & decorative accessories.  We purchased a beautiful rose bush in a distressed off-white pot, which was a snip at less than £10!  We also got a few cute mugs & a lavender filled fabric heart.

I like The Gate even more because they let Mr Piggles come shopping too!  One of the owners had her dog Hamish in-store.  Things looked promising for a doggy friendship at first, however, a fight soon broke out & poor Hamish was banished to the back of the store.  Poor Mr Piggles, he's just so picky these days.

Vintage aspirations

I have managed to locate a vintage shop down the road from me, however, my attempts to shop there have been scuppered, as every time I get within the vicinity of it, it is always closed!  It saddens me muchos, as just looking through the window, I have already spied a gorgeous fur hat in a soft blush hue.  I'm hoping, due to the location I reside in, it wont be expensive.

I have, in my avid quest for vintage furniture & accessories, found some amazing websites, which sell a great array of things I'm now dreaming of:


Love this vintage galvanised wire gym locker from Pigeon Vintage Furniture.  No idea where I'd put it, but I am in love with it completely.


This vintage kitchen cabinet has been mounted on legs & would make a great industrial style shoe locker for our pale French grey entrance hall.  It's from Elemental, who sell antiques  & vintage furniture.


I've also fallen head over heels for this aluminium suitcase, which comes with a mid to late 20th century French label attached!  This would definitely bring something to my bedroom.  I can almost see it now.  [sigh]  This unique piece is from a huge selection at Fontaine, which sources everything from France.


Hot to Trot of the week

This week's honorary position is being awarded to none other than the love of my sweet English life, Ed Westwick!

Better known as Chuck Bass in Gossip Girl, Ed has perfected the American accent so much so, that I didn't even realise at first that he was English!

I would like to point out that we are both the same age, down to exactly one month apart & I do believe we are parfait for each other!

Oh Ed, I'm here if you need me.  Let's face it, Jessica Szohr will only cheat on you again, but I will forever be faithful!


Forget work, let us shop!

Decided it was finally time to pull my finger out & go job hunting yesterday.  Armed with ten copies of my pimped out CV, I went out into my yocal town with as much positivity as I could muster.  However, two hours later, with nine copies left & nothing but "no vacancies", my positivity officially died a slow death.

To prevent me from throwing myself into the sea in despair, I threw myself into the comfort of Topshop instead.  I finally bought the rust coloured blouse I've had my eye on.  I'm muchos pleased.  It is one small part of my capsule wardrobe completed!  Hoooplar!  Just a zillian more pieces left to get...

I have also discovered my yocal Primark, which has provided me with some ultimate bargains, including the gold bird ring pictured, another cocktail ring & a thin black plait belt.  All were about £1, even the belt!  Can't deny a bargain my friend.  Also, I must recommend their 100 denier black tights, about £1.50 &  really good!  I paid £8 for some from H&M & these were just as good & ultimately cheaper!  Go buy now!


Feast your eyes & ears upon my current dance/electro car playlist, filled with some classics.  Ah electro, your beats fill me with joy on my journey to work.  [sigh]

A&E - Goldfrapp
Bodyrock - Moby
Do It Again - The Chemical Brothers (ft Ali Love)
Eple - Röyksopp
Fuck The Pain Away - Peaches
Kelly Watch the Stars - Air
Get A Move On - Mr. Scruff
Number 1 - Goldfrapp
Only This Moment - Röyksopp
La Femme d'Argent - Air
Ride A White Horse - Goldfrapp
The Salmon Dance - The Chemical Brothers (ft Fatlip)
Since I Left You - The Avalanches
Natural Blues - Moby
Sexy Boy - Air
Pop the Glock - Uffie
Hand To Phone - ADULT
In This World - Moby
Block Rockin' Beats - Chemical Brothers


I have decided, due to my current impoverished state, that I need to work on a capsule wardrobe to see me through, until I am back to prosperity.  And so, I have come up with the following essential items:

The basic loose jersey T in the new neutral colour palette.

My favourite shape blouse!

The bottom line - high-waisted leather shorts, wet look leggings & a pair of skinnies.

The essential cover up - the tux jacket in my favourite shade of rust!

The finale - My current obsession!

Model of the moment

Lea T

Lea T is a transexual model, who is absolutely stunning as a woman!

Lea (real name Leandro Cerezo) was discovered relatively recently by Givenchy's senior designer, Riccardo Tisci, who encouraged the model to explore his feminine side, when he asked Lea to don heels for a party.  Lea has since been made the face of Givenchy & recently walked the catwalk at the Alexandre Herchcovitch show, during Sao Paulo Fashion Week in Brazil.

Lea still has her male anatomy in tact, but would possibly go for the snip.  Regardless I still think as a woman, she looks amazing & will most definitely be HUGE in 2011!

Watch this space mes amis!