Look What Have Arrived!

Yes bitches, my Jeffrey Campbell Litas have finally arrived!!!

Ooooh Ahhhh

Not only do they fit (loud sigh of relief), but they are really comfortable & way easy to walk in!

Yay, gorgeous heels that are practical, it's like every girl's dream come true.


Love Affair

Now that I have finally ordered my precious Lita's, I am moving my sights to the next item on my wish list...

The YSL Arty Ring!

I'm grateful to myself that I waited a lil while to get one, as they have now brought out this little beauty!

Ooooh yeah!

I'm literally IN LOVE!

This will be money well spent!

Troubles Du Cœur

So I have been in love with David Macklovitch for quite some time now.
However, a few nights back I had this weird dream that involved his brother Alain.

This dream annoyingly left me with feelings for Alain.
Now when I think of my beloved David, I love him no more.
[worried look on face]
Then, to make matters worse, I popped over to mrporter.com & watched this:

I could barely watch it.
Is it wrong that I feel uncomfortable watching Dave get dressed?
'Cause I do!

Oooh, I'm so distraught!

Le Temps De Poulet!

Have returned from a brief, but lovely, visit to my hometown, The Oaks.  FINALLY used up my WHOLE FREE poulet at Nando's!  Been hoarding that for time!  Myself, Ms Warner, Miss James, The Ex-Roomie, Lady Rawlinson & Jospeh all gathered for a poulet feast!  I would like to say, I had a (bottomless) Coke for the first time in over a week!  I hope you're proud...Of the giving up bit, not the having one...Anyway, it was so nice to see everyone & all together too.  I miss everyone so much, it's so hard being on my own here by the coast.  Sad times.

I did also get my car serviced too whilst I was in town & he his so shiny shiny now!  I will admit, I only clean my car once a year...When he gets serviced.  It's shameful, I know.  But it's like money going to waste when he gets dirty again within a nano second!  I'd rather spend the money on Vogue!  Precious nourishing Vogue.  [sigh]

When I got back today I somehow managed to break another bloody nail, get this, pulling up my handbrake!  I kid you not.  It bloody hurt too.  What's worse is, I always get my nails done in The Oaks & I decided to be kind to my fragile purse strings & not bother...Then I break a nail.  FML!  I need to find a new salon more local to me.  STAT!

On a plus side, I'm getting very excited about my Jeffrey Campbell Litas!  I got an email today to say they'd been dispatched.  Mère's currently staying in The Oaks with Mr Piggles & I have work the rest of the week, so I'll cry large small tears if I have problems with delivery!  It's hard enough when I order from MAC!  Once they have arrived, providing they actually fit, I shall post piccies to further entertain you.  Jokes.

Until then, it's just me, at home, on my own, without Mr Piggles to snuggle.  [sniff sniff]


Hot to Trot of the Week

After managing to watch ALL four seasons of True Blood in the past three months, I have officially fallen head over Louboutins for Joe Manganiello!

Wa wa to the wee wa!

If you're not a True Blood fan (than you should be), Joe plays steaming hawt werewolf Alcide.

Along with being hot, his character is actually really nice & secretly in love with that evil bitch Sookie.

That's right, he's a likable hot werewolf.  He's essentially every girls perfect man.  Bad ass enough to entertain you, hot enough to keep you interested & nice enough to deserve you.

Plus he's going to be making a debut on Two & a Half Men next month, as Ashton's ex-wife's new beau.  Complex.

The New Face Of Mental Illness

Girl with depression.

Girl with medication.

Broken nail from depressive meltdown.

Happy repaired girl...


Quote Of The Day

"To enjoy good health, to bring true happiness to one's family, to bring peace to all, one must first discipline & control one's own mind.  If a man can control his mind he can find the way to Enlightenment & all wisdom & virtue will naturally come to him." - Buddha


Tough Times

So today has been incredibly hard for me, in fact, I won't lie, the past few weeks have been awful.  It's not a subject I like to talk about too often, as I hate dark tales, which only tend to bore people, but unfortunately my depression has been hitting me with a vengeance.  As I have mentioned before, I have manic-depression & it sucks ass.  My highs are HIGH & my lows are crippling.  It isn't as interesting to read/talk about as celeb gossip or fashion, but sometimes we have to be honest & discuss it, if not just so we don't feel alone.

So unfortunately, you're getting a piece of it today.  I think I got myself into this ridiculously HIGH space when I cam back from La Grand Aventure, thinking of all these changes I would make in my life & now two months later I'm falling apart, in affect because of them.  The recruitment agency have not been as helpful as I was hoping.  They called me today & apparently I've been passed on from the original recruiter to someone else in the team, which no-one had talked to me about.  Plus I have to go to this wretched 'workshop' in London next week.  I loathe crap like that.  So the whole job searching thing is just way too stressful to even contemplate right now in the space that I'm in.  Y'see, this is why MD is such a bitch!  I can't concentrate on this kinda thing, I lose interest!

What I haven't lost interest in & we're heading back to fashion now, are the Jeffrey Campbell Litas.  For what must be going on nine months now, I have been quite literally OBSESSED with getting my paws on a pair of these shoes.  Then, late last night, I have this email from Urban Outfitters & low & behold they are now selling them online!  I was like 'it's a sign!', not to mention a frickin' miracle!  I mean, I was ready to get a pair of these babies imported they were so rare in the UK!  The UO ones are tan suede with a light heel.  I originally wanted black leather or suede, as I figured they would go with more, but then the other day I wore this sweet white lace dress with a green & pink print kimono (as seen in my profile picture) that I picked up in Toulouse & realised that I have no shoes to wear with them, as all of my shoes seem to be black!  In the end I wore my tan brogues, but still!

I did eventually manage to find the Litas in black leather on Office's website, but had the aforementioned dilemma & decided it would probably be best to go tan.  I got a bit caught up in the decision making at the time & so decided to sleep on it.  Then this morning I awoke to another email from UO, this time with a code for fifteen percent off!  I was like man, that is a sign if ever I needed one!  I got home from work, balled my eyes out (depression's a bitch) & then headed for my laptop to purchase.  Only Firefox wouldn't let the purchase go through (cache problem or something redic), which sent me into a flying rage, where I broke a nail!!!  Did I mention I no longer have boy hands now?  Yeah, I got my nails did & then I went & snapped a corner off the thumb nail!  Can you imagine my already puffy face?  I mean tears, there were tears.  Luckily I got over all this dramz, superglued it back on (yes I did!) & used Safari to purchase my precious Litas instead!

Moral of the story?  I now have some GORGEOUS Jeffrey Campbell tan suede Litas on their way to me for a SNIP of the price (£102 WITH FREE delivery)!  I may have depression, no money & a bruised overdraft, but I'm gonna be an impoverished depressive with gorgeous shoes, dayumn it!

P.S. If you too wish to purchase these beauties at this fabulous price, simply go to Urban Outfitters, put those babies in your basket & enter the code AW11CAT at the checkout.  Hurry though, 'cause they sold out of size three in like a day!  (I'm hoping my size fours are going to fit!)  You're welcome.

The Hopelessness of Me

So, after finally growing some (thankfully not very hairy) balls & registering with a recruitment agency in London, in a bid to procure myself a proper grown-up job, I have to say I have been rather disappointed by their progress.  Firstly they left me a message the other day to say they had a role for me.  Then I call them to seek out further details.  I'm told the recruiter is with another candidate & she'll call me back.  Fine, except she doesn't.  I call her the next day about it & she's 'left the office due to personal reasons'.  I'm told she'll call me about it the next day.  It's been two days & I've heard nada!  What happened to professionalism?  Why am I having to do all the donkey work?  I mean, these guys get paid when I do, right?

Apparently the job they have on offer is as a Legal Clerk.  Sounds interesting.  Worth an interview at least.  Is it wrong that my main concern with a job prospect is what I'm allowed to wear?  I understand corporate, but honestly, some people's ideas of office dress code is still stuck in the 90's!  If I even glance at a square toed block heel shoe I'll be sick!  That's not even a joke.   I mean really!

I was hoping that all this job hunting would distract me from my looming singledom.  Unfortunately, it hasn't.  If anything, I feel more lonely than ever!  I think I miss being apart of something, y'know, like a relationship is a team effort.  Your partner ends up being your best friend.  I love my best friends, but I don't wanna have sexytime with them.  Eurgh.  I need someone good looking (obvs), funny (always important, you don't want a guy with a stick up his ass), well-dressed (poor attire is something I honestly cannot forgive) & most importantly honest.  Honesty is not only the best policy but it is imperative for a relationship to work.  The Ex was seemingly never honest.  I can't trust someone who isn't & we all know, that without trust, you got nothing!

Let's take dear 'Darren' (clearly not his real name, but he & many others will know exactly who I'm talking about) for instance.  So there I am having a gay ol' time at Benicàssim (still at this point thinking that the French Docteur was incroyable & therefore attempting not to get involved with anyone else) & I meet this guy at the bar.  Unfortunately, I was not feeling my hottest at this moment, nor my most sociable (okay, so maybe not having the gayest of times...), so I chat & then bounce quite abruptly.  The next day, looking & feeling better, I happen to bump into this guy again & this time we actually spend time conversing.

Ellie & I had to leave to go see a new DJ we'd found at one of the stages & this guy, 'Darren', follows us there, leaving his friends behind.  Ellie was not suitably drunk enough by this point, so objected to being a 'third wheel', which probably wasn't helped by my drunken cartwheels (I landed several times on the back of my neck & generally made an arse of myself).  'Darren' & I kiss & then Ellie & I have a big tear-fueled falling out about the fact that I have this 'great' guy back in France (obvs this is now laughable knowing what we now know).  After some time, all issues of third wheel are resolved & we all head over to the dance stage, where we bump into some menshape friends of Ellies.

'Darren' & I siddle off to the turf area (gotta love turf, haven't you?), which by the by had a cross shaped pool (I mean c'mon!).  We sat in that area until five in the morning telling each other our life stories & I was like, wow, this guy is so cool.  Then I of course do the woman thing, where I start to immediately fantasize about how great a boyfriend he'd be.  So pathetic, but I do it every time!  Anyway, we agree to meet up in Brick Lane when we both get back to the UK.  I would like to point out right now that he knew of the existence of the French Docteur.  Y'know why, 'cause I'm honest!  Nothing good ever came from dishonesty!

Obviously I was in France for my birthday & 'Darren' messaged me on Facebook & suggested meeting up when I got back.  I told him I expected funding to be low, so I wasn't sure when.  Then I got back to the UK & I did actually have some dollar to my name, so I did something I never do, I texted him.  I suggested dinner & told him I'd message him the next day to confirm possible dates.  Next day I text him to say 'dinner, next week sometime?'  No response.  FOUR DAYS LATER he bothers to message me back.  I was like, really!?  I don't know, am I overreacting here?  That's like nearly a week.

I decided not to respond.  Then he calls me a few days later, says he didn't message me back because he was busy renovating this new flat he's got.  We build a bridge, we get over it.  Date is arranged in Sevenoaks, because it is an equal distance from where he lives in London & where I am on the coast.  The day of the date arrives.  One hour before we are supposed to meet up, he calls me to say he's still in London & is like 'I dunno what to do'.  My first thought; 'well, what you're meant to do is, stick to the fucking plan asshole'.  I refrained.  In the end though, I honestly had to CONVINCE him to go on a date with me.  No word of a lie!  Alarm bells should have been ringing at this point.  Still I persevered & went to dinner with him.

The annoying & rather confusing thing was, he was really nice on the date.  Very funny.  Insisted on paying.  Still very cute looking.  I was a little nervous but at the same time unconvinced of a spark.  We both went our separate ways at the end of the night & he texted me to say how lovely it was to see me again.  Brownie points, natch.  I don't know whether I was just actually mildly uninterested or unintentionally playing it cool, but I seemed to never message him, unless it was a response to something he'd messaged me & even then it wasn't particularly flirty.

So the other week I'm in London for this interview.  I thought great, as I'm in London, I can easily see 'Darren' again.  I message him nearly a week before hand & tell him I'll be in town.  He was like, what are your plans.  I told him I have this interview at one & then I'm going to go see my Aussie friends afterwards in Brick Lane.  His first response?  'Oh, I won't be in Brick Lane on Friday, I'm gonna be the other side of town'.  Writing this doesn't really put across quite the way it was said, it was like, 'well, I don't want to hit up Brick Lane, so you can come to me' basically & I hadn't even asked nor expected him to!  But then it riled me that he wouldn't even consider crossing town for me.  It's a tube stop for Christ's sake!  Taxi at best.  That's when it hit me.  I was always going to have to do the running in this relationship.  So I ignored his text, had a great evening with the Aussies & went home.

'Darren' continued to call & text me, which was fine.  I responded, not necessarily favorably.  Then it came to Shakedown.  I'd invited him to it with no response (as usual).  He then texted me to see how it was going, said he wished he'd come.  In my drunken haze I messaged him back several hours later & told him to come to Audio for the after party.  At first he seemed quite tempted.  After several messages I simply ended it with 'now or never'.  He never came.  The next day he messaged me asking how I was & when could he see me.  I told him 'it was now or never, clearly you chose never'.  His response?  'Oh well, you win some you lose some.'  Jeez, that whole experience was so worth it, right?  I mean honestly.  What was the point!?  I don't get it.

So to summerise on what has been an exceptionally long post/rant, when I meet a guy I want him to be honest.  What is it exactly that you're after?  Do you like me enough to honestly make the effort or is this just foreplay for you?  'Cause I've broken hearts & had mine shredded in front of me before & I have become a little less open to life & 'seeing where the wind blows' kinda experiences.  If I'm gonna put myself out there I wanna know it's for someone who actually wants it.  Not some arse wipe who's just out to make me jump through hoops just to stroke his ego.  I have not got the time nor the inclination & if I'm honest, I hope dear 'Darren' reads this, if not to understand where he went so unequivocally wrong with me.  Like I said to him 'I like you, you like me, make it happen'.


Let's shake it!

Ugh, it's been an exceptionally busy past week or two.  My writing skills appear to have died a slow death in all of the hooha.

I got really sicky sicky poo poo last week & it had failed to clear by the weekend.  After a stroppy (nearly tear-filled) breakdown, I managed to pull myself together, jump in the car & drive the two hours to Brighton for the awesomeness that was Shakedown Festival!

Unfortunately, due to shitty public transport, Ellie & I managed to arrive two hours after the gates opened.  Thankfully we didn't miss any of the decent acts!

One half of Jaymo & Andy George did a pretty decent set, shortly followed by the legend that is Kissy Sell Out.  That dude is so incredibly fine!  Oooh yeah, I'm all over the Kissy Klub like a heat rash!  After Kissy came Zane Lowe, who I admittedly missed when I popped to the portaloo & seemingly never returned.  The queues for the loos were atrocious & my bladder nearly exploded with the agony of holding in the gallons of vodka & Red Bull I'd consumed.

Met a manshape, who in my 'heightened' state seemed like new boyfriend material.  Bumped into a few of Ellie's menshape friends.  Left everyone to go enjoy the wonderment of 2manydjs.  Soon left (drugs leave you with ADD I swear).  Went back in search of new boyfriend material.  Found him.  No longer felt the same.  Left him, bumped into Gunfest boys.  It started to rain.  My appearance resembled that of a drowned rat.

Left the festival ground before it all finished.  Got a bus back into town.  Changed from Hunters to heels.  Popped into Audio for a bit of Two Bears.  Met someone I thought was one of the bears...He wasn't.  Later his friend gave Ellie & I a glass of champagne.  Champagne was 'dish water' according to some guy I met at the bar, who subsequently threw it on the floor.  Ellie ordered Pomegranate Mojitos.  Mojitos were shit.  We weren't doing well on the drinks front.

New boyfriend material turned up at Audio.  Sweet but unfortunately our time had passed.  Sobered up.  Went home.  Slept.  Woke up more ill than before.  Great.  All in all, great festival, good weekend.  Nuff said.

P.S. Apologies for the toshy pictures...iPhone crapness!

Pig Post

Wrapped up like a Christmas present...That's how I like my dawgs!


Girl Crush

My homeboy Terry Richardson recently did a shoot for Brazilian swimwear label Blue Man.

The pics were shot on Ipanema Beach in Rio de Janeiro & featured our favourite model Lea T.

Dayumn, that girl is hawt!

Lea officially had her manhood removed in March & is therefore now all woman.

Bitch might have been born a male, but she's got a better figure than me!

There's a tarantula in the bathroom!

Getting myself out of a depressive black spot, can sometimes be extremely difficult.  Recently they have been few & far between, which for a manic depressive (I refuse to use the term bipolar, it only draws images of Britney Spears & Kerry Katona & I for one refuse to be associated with either of those two) such as myself, is pretty good.

Usually it's the little things that seem to draw the most response.  Pumping myself full of sugar & caffeine, by way of three cans of Coke, usually kick-starts the proceedings.  Then it's the beloved French films on the iPlayer (2 Days in Paris is my absolute favourite!).  Talking with friends always helps & Christmas gift ideas go a long way to pulling me into a different space (even if the holiday season is three months away).

Unfortunately, I am now having to make the enforced decision of quitting step one altogether.  Coke.  It is the Devil's drink after all.  Plus, & this brings me onto the title of this post, it has diuretic effects, leading me to pee a trillion times a day!  In fact, it was on my one millionth trip to les toilettes, that I peered up & saw, what was essentially, a tarantula.  Midnight peeing, combined with lethal arthropods equals moi acknowledging I need to QUIT!

Plus, I finally went for my interview with the recruitment agency on Friday, so I am 'this' much closer to having a job in London!  Living by the coast & working in the city requires exceptionally early starts, which at current I struggle with.  In fact, I struggle to get up for work at eleven.  I am therefore worried.  Six am wake-up calls, dark mornings, cold walks to the station.  Did I make the right decision!?

Being unable to get to bed before midnight is also a factor in my morning haze.  One am, two am, I've been known to crash at three am, even on a school night.  But alas, it is not I, it once again can be blamed on the Coke!  You see, caffeine has a tendency to stay in your system for a shockingly long time & makes your body unable to benefit from deep sleep.  Bastard soda!  You win again!

Nope, as of tomorrow, it is l'eau all the way!  Even when the six ice cold cans sitting neatly in the refrigerator stare up at me when I go to grab a slice of bread (fridges are the new bread bins don't ya know), I shall ignore their glares & turn away.  If not for my bladder, if not for my (much needed beauty) sleep, than for my ever increasing thighs!!!

I gained two pounds before I left for La Grande Aventue.  Then a further five pounds while out there (I'd like to say from all the fine dining, but I wouldn't want to lie to you like that...).  When I returned, I made a valid effort to stay on the straight & narrow.  No Coke (clearly that didn't last).  No MaccyD's.  No takeaways.  No chocolate (surprising easy!).  No crisps.

It was salad for most of August & you know what, when I went to Findon to see Miss Dunn the other week, I'd lost seven pounds!  Which was great.  The only problem being that, once I lose weight, I see it as a battle won.  I seem to go into celebration mode & start to over consume high fat, high calorie foods again.  So now, although I have not been weighed yet, I have seemingly regained some of that weight.  Well, fat!

Mostly it seems to wish to absorb into my thighs.  I can handle my body.  I like it.  It's been abused in numerous ways on numerous occasions, but I still like it.  The only thing I can't handle?  Chaffing!  I'm not even kidding you.  Everyone I whine to thinks I'm making it up, or over exaggerating, but it's true!  It's that really annoying bit of residual fat that loves to linger at the very top of my inner thighs, taunting me.

It keeps me awake at night, I swear!  If I could just get rid of it, I'd be a happy woman.  Well, y'know, until my next 'episode'.  But then we'll reach for the DVD collection, grab a pen & paper & start writing out my gift list.


Une Tragédie!

Une tragédie s'est produite mes amis.

French hip hop & electro producer & one half of Carte Blanche, DJ Mehdi, has died today, after falling off the roof of his parisienne home, during a birthday party being held for Riton (the other half of Carte Blanche).

This is very sad.

I only just saw Carte Blanche perform back in July, both at Eurockéennes & on the beach in Montpellier.


Quote Of The Day

"Three grand essentials to happiness in this life are something to do, something to love & something to hope for." - Joseph Addison




Love Affair

I love love love, did I mention love, the Astrid printed silk-voile gown, from Erdem's 2011 fall collection!

I NEED this dress in my life!
Although, at £3,080, I may be waiting a while.

[small tears]



Remember Jon Kortajarena, the hot Spanish male model I featured as my Hot to Trot of the Week a while back?  Of course you do, he was hawt!

Well, he was recently photographed by my new bff Terry Richardson, in Rio de Janeiro & yes, it is fair to say, he is still muy hermosa!



Vintage Lust

Wishing I'd gone to Standon Calling, if not just for the ama-ziiing vintage finds at their pop-up vintage shop!

The sunglasses alone make me cry small tears.

Bande à Part

Loving this shoot with Rupert Grint & Tom Felton for Band of Outsiders' fall campaign.

Band of Outsiders always do the best shoots & always with the best peeps!

Love Affair

It's official, Topman are doing the best knitwear this fall!

In love!

Movie Night

Wa wa wee wa, this looks sooo GOOD!

Look how many stars there are!

Matt Damon
Marion Cotillard
Gwyneth Paltrow
Laurence Fishburne
Jude Law
Kate Winslet

I NEED to see this film!




I don't need a man to buy menswear, not when it looks this good & costs this little!

Barbour are doing this leather patched beauty for a snip at £79!

I do believe that's known as a bargaaain!

Track of the Week

After being forced to listen to, not only Kanye West's back catalogue, but his life history during our cruise round Europe (thanks for that Ellie), I have decided that I don't despise him to quite the extent that I previously did.  In fact, & I do hate to admit it, but I almost quite like him now.  In fact, I think I like him quite a lot!

What I also like, is this track with Jay-Z.

In fact, I like it quite a lot.

Love Affair

How much do you want the entire House of Harlow 1960 Fall range!?!?

How much do you secretly wish you looked like Nicole!?

Just me then...

Battle of The Sexes

I've come to the conclusion that dating & I are not compatible.  I've been on three dates since I moved to the coast, NINE months ago!  The first taught me that there is not one suitable suitor living in this part of the country.  The second taught me that guys in bands are definitely not suitable love interests, unless you want to feel used, abused & foolish.  Finally the third taught me that if you have to convince a guy to go on a date with you, he's probably not gonna be Mr Right.

So yes, my dating experiences have been rather educational, if not entirely disappointing.  However, I think it's time to take all these valuable lessons on board & actually do something with them.  First things first I am a HUNDY percent taking myself out of the dating game.  I think some space between myself & the cattle market is definitely a good idea.

Now is the time to work on another area of my life: my career but of course!  Hence my appointment with a recruitment agency in London next week.  Yes mes amis, I am finally attempting to become a hoefessional & earn some real dollar.  No more of this part-time shizzle.  The particular recruiter I am seeing has managed to get two of mes amis jobs in Mayfair, so one is hopeful.

Is it wrong that my main concern is my working wardrobe & what I'm going to wear to the interview?  (I can pull leather leggings, right?)  I have had to come to terms with the fact that 6am starts will be a massive factor.  Crucial beauty sleep may be depleted & time spent in the mirror may take a battering.  Although, I guess there is always the hour & a half train ride to sort these things out.  [yawn]

Working in London will at least afford me an improved social life.  Cocktails anyone!?  Anyway, I've got to earn some bigger bucks, 'cause I gotta finally get me one of these babies:

♡  Love you Michael Kors!  ♡


Fashion advertising campaigns have been getting funnier & funnier as of late.

LOVING these new comedy ad campaigns for Kohl's department store, featuring the now defunct couple; JLo & Marc Anthony.

Guessing it's in with the humour & out with the sex...

P to the S.  Defo thinking JLo won the comedy battle award!