It's official: I don't know how to date! Cereal, when did this shit get so frickin' hard! I honestly don't remember it being this hard five years ago, y'know, before The 'douchebag' Ex came along & destroyed my ability to be a sexual deviant. Bastard!
Back in the day I used to juggle three menshapes at a time! I mean c'mon, you need backups right! Now dating ONE guy at a time frazzles my mind! I need help, serious help. Like some kind of manual. Just tell me the rules, of course I'll break them, but at least I'll have some guidance on it!
It also doesn't help that the word slow doesn't appear in my vocabulary. Patience has never been my virtue, let's face it. I'm an instantaneous kinda gal. I like you, you like me, badda bing badda boom! None of this text round the houses shit. I mean, The Ex had moved in after three months! Not that I want that kinda intense shizzle again anytime soon!
To top off my dating issues, it seems only prepubescent boys seem to be attracted to me. Apparently my face age has been reduced to seventeen. SEVENTEEN!!! I hope I appreciate this youthful glow when I'm thirty. Right now it is greatly getting in the way of my bearded, tattooed, hawt, tanned menshape dreams!
I'm just gonna look at these beautiful menshape specimens to attempt to remember what I NEEEEEED!!!