I recently came across this on Pinterest & it kind of summed up exactly how I've been feeling of late.
After four months of traveling, the last place I visited, before my Christmas break in England, was a Buddhist monastery near Rome. Spending two hours a day meditating, really centred me & made me realise who & where I wanted to be. I went back to England on a high & then seemingly, came crashing down, with great force. It's one thing to find 'inner peace' in a monastery, a place of no distractions, but to take that peace & keep it with you, in the big troublesome world, well, that's a little harder.
I fell apart a little & although I managed to pull myself together in time to return to Italy, a week went by & I started to feel disillusioned again. By the time I arrived in France, I was on full meltdown alert. A part of it is knowing what I want to do, but accepting that I don't know how to get there yet. I have learnt to accept that it's about knowing the destination & trusting in the journey, but sometimes, when you feel like nothing's changed, like you haven't got any closer to the end goal, it's hard to keep the faith.
Life can be so distracting & I constantly worry that I'll end up way off track, because I lost sight of where I was going. Although, as John Lennon famously said, "Life is what happens while you're busy making other plans." I know I can be a rigid individual, afraid to let go & I do try to embrace life & what crops up along the way. Even the past few weeks have proved miraculous for me & been evidence to how life can work out, without you having to worry or force things.
The worst thing I could imagine, would be to get to the end of the year & look back on my travels & regret anything. Not doing what I wanted to do, or embraced the moment enough. Even if I don't make it to my apartment in Paris, if I'd had a year of blissful memories, then that would truly be enough.
This is exactly how I feel! I know exactly where I want to be but at the moment it feels like the vision that's been getting me through is becoming hazier! I don't know how to explain it, but it feels like I am becoming nostalgic about the dream, rather than striving towards it? Does that make sense? It is so frustrating, I'm trying not to be too hard on myself about it though. Just got to give yourself a break so that when the time comes you have enough energy to pick yourself up and go again x
ReplyDeleteNope, I get what you mean exactly! Sometimes having the dream is what gets you through, but then it gets to a point where you think, is this dream ever going to actually come to fruition! I guess at that point, you have to ask yourself what have I actually been doing towards achieving this dream. I think that's where I'm at right now. Little steps, little steps… x
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