If it gets rough, it's time to get rough.

I have recently fallen in love with the band HAIM.  I am, as always, very late to their discovery, but now that I have discovered their wonderment, I am completely hooked!  So, to combine this new love affair, with my continual love affair with travel, Miss Wall & I have arranged a little adventure.

As of May, we shall be hopping on a flight to Berlin, to go see HAIM perform at the Lido.  Tickets for which we snapped up for mere pennies!

 We have also arranged to stay in the coolest place in Berlin: Huettenpalast!  An amazing hotel which offers you the opportunity to escape reality & immerse yourself in some fantasy.  Forgoing the usual contemporary hotel room, we are instead staying in an indoor cabin!  I did desperately want to stay in one of their vintage 1950s caravans, but alas, they are so popular, they were fully booked!

The last time I was in Berlin was January 2012, when I went with my friend Lucy & although I loved it, I felt that I didn't quite manage to do & see everything I wanted to.  Therefor, Miss Wall & I are going to be meticulously planning out this trip, so as to include all & everything, whilst still obviously allowing for any spontaneous happenings to occur!  I especially want to see the graffiti covered part of the Berlin Wall in the west, as I disappointingly didn't get a chance to last time.

I also want to revisit the Holocaust Memorial & spend a bit more time there.

I think we'll both be indulging in some bratwurst, sipping a fair few cocktails, lurking in cool cafés, generally exploring & taking a lot of photographs!  Can't wait!

x

Another walk about, after dark.

I always like to make out that I'm a bit of a bitch, with a frosty cold heart & to a certain degree this is the truth.  However, I think the real cold bitter bitch side of me got broken & defeated by The Ex many years ago & since then, I've just been making a replica to try & bring back a part of me, which I'm terribly afraid is dead.

I feel rather naked & vulnerable being the nice version of me.  It's not used to daylight you see.  Years of bitter resentment towards my parents & a childhood I often felt robbed of, lead to volatile behaviour & aggressive outbursts.  I didn't really know how to love & was never fully accepting of someone else's.

But since those broken & shattered years, I have loved & completely opened up to give myself to someone.  Unfortunately, that relationship came to an end.  But that's how things are meant to be.  I truly don't believe in forevers.

The issue now is, I tried being the open hearted nice side of myself with The Boy & he kind of walked all over me, like I was a piece of rattan.  It hurt.  A lot.  That kick in the teeth sent me running back into my shell & saw me sticking needles all over it.

Now I've finally met someone new & all I want to do is pick up a Kinder Egg whenever I see them in the store, because I know he likes them & I always think I'll save them for when I see him next.  In fact, I once spent an afternoon googling Kinder Advent Calendars, just because I knew it would make him smile.

Just in that one little act, I suddenly realise how vulnerable I am.  It's so easy for me to be nice & do nice things for the people I care about.  For friends it's the easiest thing in the world.  For him, or for any man shape, it's the hardest.  Because I feel humiliated every time I do something nice & I think to myself 'he wouldn't do something cute like that for me'.

I don't want to live my life constantly guarded, in case someone turns out to be a right bastard after all.  But what actually is the right balance between being yourself, allowing your natural caring instincts to come out & being sensible enough not to get too emotionally attached & protect yourself against the obvious pain that comes with liking someone, who essentially may or may not ever like you back to the degree that you need.

I'm naked, I'm numb, I'm stupid, I'm dumb

So remember when I said I was rubbish at dating...

Well, Saturday evening started to make me think differently.  I went out for dinner with New Kid (that's right folks, there's a whole new manshape on the scene) & I felt it went really well.  Starting to really like this kid.  He's always been a gent, never tried anything.  Maybe to the point I wasn't sure if he was actually keen.

Then me being be...Encouraged Let things get a lil out of hand...Let's just say, there was some making out without the presence of clothing.  I have literally no self control around incredibly hawt, toned, well dressed men.  [sigh]

Only there's been this lil cloud over New Kid's age...I've gone as far as to request ID, but he assured me he's legit...Then some social media evidence appeared, which not only proves he's lying, but also that I really do seem to attract teenagers.  Nearly cried, not gonna lie!

Thing is, I honestly don't really care about his age.  Alright, this massively makes me some kind of cradle snatching cougar, but why lie!?  I abide being lied to, I really do!  Like, man up & be honest.  Risk it for my biscuit kid, 'cause right now you've got a lot of making up to do!

Maybe I'm not so much bad at dating & more rubbish at picking men...I just seem to pick boys instead!  I'm ID checking everyone from now on!  Swear down!

In the meantime, I have found a Lykke Li remix which is like my version of Prozac in this terribly shameful situation!

Track Of The Week

So, as per, I have become hooked on a track from an advert...A Peugeot advert of all things!

Kinda like the lil Super Mario noises.

Track Of The Week

Remember back in the day when I was having a love affair with David Macklovitch, only then I went & had a thing with his brother Alain, which kinda left me disillusioned & I ended up with neither?  

Yeah, well I was having a mooch in H&M today & this funky lil number was playing & I was like "oh snap, this tune is fresh".  So naturally I Shizamed the shiz outta it & boom, it turned out to be a track laid down by, electro duo, Punks Jump Up (one part London, one part Swede), featuring none other than my original lover, David Macklovitch!

Now I feel as though our love has rekindled...

Track Of The Week

I feel like this is me...most of the time...

Yeah, this is the longest video you will see in the history of the world ever...Enjoy!

Track Of The Week

I still heart this track, I heart it quite a lot actually.

Not just because it has my favourite French homeboys, but y'know, 'cause it has my girl crush Uffie on it too. 

Plus, it always makes me want to go out...Although, that might not be for a while...

[bank balance dissolving as we speak]

Under Control

I miss these boys.

x

Love Affair

Just to assure you that my love for A-Trak is still strong...

x

Track Of The Week

I'm rather in love with this song by Swedish singer/songwriter Lykke Li.

I think she could definitely be a new favourite of mine.

x

Track Of The Week

I have always & will always have a big place for Feist in my heart.

This is by far my favourite track on her latest album Metals.

Need to see her again live sooooon!

x

You Like Your Girls Insane

Lana Del Rey working the bling (& a lotta lip liner) for a recent Versace shoot.

Track Of The Week!

So, I don't know when Santogold became Santigold, but regardless I'm glad she's back.

I remember watching her perform at a festival in Belgium a few years back & being rather mesmerized by her monochrome dancers.  That & being pummeled by the overly enthusiastic crowd who were beside me at the front railing.

I must endeavor to go see her again.

Breakbot - Baby I'm Yours

This track still makes me smile every time I hear it.

Thibaut Berland - Possibly one of the sweetest DJs alive.

Ellie & I managed to meet him before his set in Montpellier this summer.  We intruded on his dinner & he shared his fois gras & chips with us.  Looks like Jesus & acts as sweet as I'm sure my homeboy was.

Zooey Deschanel or Peggy Lee?

I have come to the conclusion that Zooey Deschanel is the vocal reincarnation of Peggy Lee. Fact!

Love Affair

Well, I do believe it is my most favourite time of the year!

Of course the one thing I do every Christmas season is pop on a good Christmas album.  But we're not talking Slade or Cliff Richard, oh no no no, we're talking my tip top favourite people of all...

Nothing beats the classics.

[sigh]

Let's shake it!

Ugh, it's been an exceptionally busy past week or two.  My writing skills appear to have died a slow death in all of the hooha.

I got really sicky sicky poo poo last week & it had failed to clear by the weekend.  After a stroppy (nearly tear-filled) breakdown, I managed to pull myself together, jump in the car & drive the two hours to Brighton for the awesomeness that was Shakedown Festival!

Unfortunately, due to shitty public transport, Ellie & I managed to arrive two hours after the gates opened.  Thankfully we didn't miss any of the decent acts!

One half of Jaymo & Andy George did a pretty decent set, shortly followed by the legend that is Kissy Sell Out.  That dude is so incredibly fine!  Oooh yeah, I'm all over the Kissy Klub like a heat rash!  After Kissy came Zane Lowe, who I admittedly missed when I popped to the portaloo & seemingly never returned.  The queues for the loos were atrocious & my bladder nearly exploded with the agony of holding in the gallons of vodka & Red Bull I'd consumed.

Met a manshape, who in my 'heightened' state seemed like new boyfriend material.  Bumped into a few of Ellie's menshape friends.  Left everyone to go enjoy the wonderment of 2manydjs.  Soon left (drugs leave you with ADD I swear).  Went back in search of new boyfriend material.  Found him.  No longer felt the same.  Left him, bumped into Gunfest boys.  It started to rain.  My appearance resembled that of a drowned rat.

Left the festival ground before it all finished.  Got a bus back into town.  Changed from Hunters to heels.  Popped into Audio for a bit of Two Bears.  Met someone I thought was one of the bears...He wasn't.  Later his friend gave Ellie & I a glass of champagne.  Champagne was 'dish water' according to some guy I met at the bar, who subsequently threw it on the floor.  Ellie ordered Pomegranate Mojitos.  Mojitos were shit.  We weren't doing well on the drinks front.

New boyfriend material turned up at Audio.  Sweet but unfortunately our time had passed.  Sobered up.  Went home.  Slept.  Woke up more ill than before.  Great.  All in all, great festival, good weekend.  Nuff said.

P.S. Apologies for the toshy pictures...iPhone crapness!

Une Tragédie!

Une tragédie s'est produite mes amis.

French hip hop & electro producer & one half of Carte Blanche, DJ Mehdi, has died today, after falling off the roof of his parisienne home, during a birthday party being held for Riton (the other half of Carte Blanche).

This is very sad.

I only just saw Carte Blanche perform back in July, both at Eurockéennes & on the beach in Montpellier.

x

Track of the Week

After being forced to listen to, not only Kanye West's back catalogue, but his life history during our cruise round Europe (thanks for that Ellie), I have decided that I don't despise him to quite the extent that I previously did.  In fact, & I do hate to admit it, but I almost quite like him now.  In fact, I think I like him quite a lot!

What I also like, is this track with Jay-Z.

In fact, I like it quite a lot.

HIGHlarious!

Fashion advertising campaigns have been getting funnier & funnier as of late.

LOVING these new comedy ad campaigns for Kohl's department store, featuring the now defunct couple; JLo & Marc Anthony.

Guessing it's in with the humour & out with the sex...

P to the S.  Defo thinking JLo won the comedy battle award!