We watch things on VCRs

Apologies for my absence, the past few months have been nothing but crazy talk!  As some of you will know, my dad died on the tenth of November 2009 & right on cue, every Autumn since, I start to shut down.  It's like I'm subconsciously going through the grieving motions.

This is normally where I make rather rash decisions.  The first year was to quit my job, leave my flat, move in with my mother, who lives on the edge of nowhere & save up to go traveling.  Unfortunately my life affirming travel plans turned into five weeks of partying with PDiddy, with Eleanor in the South of France.  Not quite what I had envisioned, but fun nonetheless.

Then the following year, I simply fell apart & ended up medicated for seven months.  That lead to no partying at all.  This was less fun.

This year it appears I'm going all out & packing up once again to move to London.  Casual.  I finally spoke out about my life grievances to my manager at work & she pushed me into a transfer to one of the company's London branches.  Not entirely sure why I didn't just do this before, but hey.  So now, as of the first of December I shall be working & living in London.

Of course, I'm not usually known for being organised.  However, after a brief meltdown, I did eventually pull my finger out & am now pretty much ready...Bar having somewhere to live.  Therefore November shan't be spent doing my usual campaigning for Movember, but instead, attempting to find myself a flatshare rather pronto!

In the midst of all this mayhem, my favourite person Miss Wall, from the fabulous The Tea Drinking English Rose, invited me along as her plus one, to Laura Ashley's Blog's First Birthday!  (That's such a mouthful!)

Situated in a room above their Kings Road store was a hub of Christmas fueled excitement.  Catered for by the Vintage Patisserie, we nobbled copious amounts of lemon scones, adorned with lavender clotted cream & rose brownies.  I may have overindulged a little.

I especially liked the vodka infused jasmine tea we were served in little vintage tea cups & saucers.  One can never deny the allure of a cocktail in a teacup!  I made sure to have several refills!

The music was provided for by the beautiful Liz Lawrence, who was just magnificent live!  A completely acoustic set, just her & a guitar.  Makes me even sadder that I'm tone deaf.

Despite my utter phobia of being photographed, I have randomly made a new best friend in JB, a photographer no less.  He made a valiant effort to film a small segment with me, but alas, after several hundred takes, mainly of me laughing, he gave up.  We settled for life long friendship instead.  Seemed only fair.

And just to keep you entirely updated; I have finally found a suitable manshape to fill the void where one once stood.  He is tall, skinny jean wearing (obvious essential), tattooed & bearded.  Everything my lil heart desires.  Although, his chosen profession, of which I shan't divulge, is completely ridiculous & I am not currently sure if it's working in his favour or not.  But hey, it beats dating an accountant...I should know!

My only issue is, I find myself being entirely guarded.  Which I hate.  I'm upfront, ballsy & completely honest.  I am the first to admit, I wear my heart on my sleeve.  Unfortunately, this past year has left me battered & bruised & now my ability to trust that someone won't emotionally wreck me, is well, null & void.  I guess only time will tell if he likes me enough to persevere through my bullshit.  [sigh]

Tough Times

So today has been incredibly hard for me, in fact, I won't lie, the past few weeks have been awful.  It's not a subject I like to talk about too often, as I hate dark tales, which only tend to bore people, but unfortunately my depression has been hitting me with a vengeance.  As I have mentioned before, I have manic-depression & it sucks ass.  My highs are HIGH & my lows are crippling.  It isn't as interesting to read/talk about as celeb gossip or fashion, but sometimes we have to be honest & discuss it, if not just so we don't feel alone.

So unfortunately, you're getting a piece of it today.  I think I got myself into this ridiculously HIGH space when I cam back from La Grand Aventure, thinking of all these changes I would make in my life & now two months later I'm falling apart, in affect because of them.  The recruitment agency have not been as helpful as I was hoping.  They called me today & apparently I've been passed on from the original recruiter to someone else in the team, which no-one had talked to me about.  Plus I have to go to this wretched 'workshop' in London next week.  I loathe crap like that.  So the whole job searching thing is just way too stressful to even contemplate right now in the space that I'm in.  Y'see, this is why MD is such a bitch!  I can't concentrate on this kinda thing, I lose interest!

What I haven't lost interest in & we're heading back to fashion now, are the Jeffrey Campbell Litas.  For what must be going on nine months now, I have been quite literally OBSESSED with getting my paws on a pair of these shoes.  Then, late last night, I have this email from Urban Outfitters & low & behold they are now selling them online!  I was like 'it's a sign!', not to mention a frickin' miracle!  I mean, I was ready to get a pair of these babies imported they were so rare in the UK!  The UO ones are tan suede with a light heel.  I originally wanted black leather or suede, as I figured they would go with more, but then the other day I wore this sweet white lace dress with a green & pink print kimono (as seen in my profile picture) that I picked up in Toulouse & realised that I have no shoes to wear with them, as all of my shoes seem to be black!  In the end I wore my tan brogues, but still!

I did eventually manage to find the Litas in black leather on Office's website, but had the aforementioned dilemma & decided it would probably be best to go tan.  I got a bit caught up in the decision making at the time & so decided to sleep on it.  Then this morning I awoke to another email from UO, this time with a code for fifteen percent off!  I was like man, that is a sign if ever I needed one!  I got home from work, balled my eyes out (depression's a bitch) & then headed for my laptop to purchase.  Only Firefox wouldn't let the purchase go through (cache problem or something redic), which sent me into a flying rage, where I broke a nail!!!  Did I mention I no longer have boy hands now?  Yeah, I got my nails did & then I went & snapped a corner off the thumb nail!  Can you imagine my already puffy face?  I mean tears, there were tears.  Luckily I got over all this dramz, superglued it back on (yes I did!) & used Safari to purchase my precious Litas instead!

Moral of the story?  I now have some GORGEOUS Jeffrey Campbell tan suede Litas on their way to me for a SNIP of the price (£102 WITH FREE delivery)!  I may have depression, no money & a bruised overdraft, but I'm gonna be an impoverished depressive with gorgeous shoes, dayumn it!

P.S. If you too wish to purchase these beauties at this fabulous price, simply go to Urban Outfitters, put those babies in your basket & enter the code AW11CAT at the checkout.  Hurry though, 'cause they sold out of size three in like a day!  (I'm hoping my size fours are going to fit!)  You're welcome.