I've been suffering from writer's block for a while. One of my friends told me to just pop up a page & the words would start flowing. Hey look, I guess it's working...
Don't you ever find that the simplest things in life, can sometimes be the hardest to do. Suddenly anything & everything just becomes too much effort. That's when you know, you just know, it's time to make a change.
I'm most definitely at that stage in my life...again. Everything feels so dissatisfying. Bar Belgian chocolate milk. 'Cause that will always satisfy me. [sigh] But everything else...
Work has reached a level, where I don't even want to walk through the door anymore. Just getting up & getting ready stresses me out & when I'm there, Gawd when I'm there, I have to almost physically fight with myself not to walk out! Everyday is just another battle to get through 'til home time.
Life really shouldn't be that hard, should it?
Now I've worked out what it was I do want to do, essentially travel the world for the rest of eternity, living in the here & now has become quite literally impossible. I'm not a planner & I don't want to spend the next year of my life suffering, saving up, for the rest of my life to be amazing. It might be worth it, but to be honest, I don't have the patience. I honestly am a here & now kinda girl, but if I don't like what's going on in the here & the now, then I pack my bag & I fuck off to where I do like it...Only, I currently don't have the funding to do that right now...
Seriously, when did life get this hard! Or am I just making it this hard? I'm not really sure anymore. Maybe Barcelona will calm my soul for a while.
At least I have laid to rest my manshape dramas once & for all. There is honestly no shame in trying at something & failing. Where there is shame, is when you try, fail & then learn nothing & in turn repeat the process several times. Usually resulting in hot salty tears & a fractured heart. Now that is shameful!
Look, shit happens. But it usually happens for a reason. Y'know, to teach you something. If you keep missing the lesson, then shit's just gonna keep happening 'til you do. Which is exactly why I spent many sad, pathetic, lonely nights over analysing everything I said, did, everything he said, did until a light went on & I was like 'What da funk!' After that I realised that actually, it was me that was getting it wrong.
So now, it's time to regress to my eighteen year old self & once again become a Lone Ranger. It's not about being old & alone, but it is about being kick-ass & single. I'm not looking for a sidekick, but I'm open to applications. Anyone with douchebag qualities need not apply.
'Til the next time kids...I shall leave you with The Rolling Stones...
No comments:
Post a Comment